Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
