mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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