I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
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We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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