i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
