If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
