dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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