Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
