She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am naked and annoyed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
