I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
