I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize