Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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