you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
