At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
