weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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