Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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