A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
