those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
