Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
