I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
