My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
