I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize