the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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