I think my vagina is haunted
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
