well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
