TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
