My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
