"it" just moved
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
