Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
