Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
