Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Soap is not a condiment
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
