At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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