this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
