just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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