trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
