So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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