just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drunk is not a location!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
