this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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