Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
