You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
