apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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