Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize