you traded sex for a burrito?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
