Already got asked if we're dating
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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