Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
nutella sex= disaster
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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