if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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