she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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