508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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