I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
