She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
