I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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