Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
