So drunk its hurt
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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