Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
