it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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