Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
