I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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