those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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