Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
