getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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