So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
