I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
