My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
