And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
